


too close too far

by bastapasta



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Love, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slice of Life, awkward teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25472233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bastapasta/pseuds/bastapasta
Summary: Just kids living a normal life. Or as normal they can get. Being a teenager is weird. Also feelings are complicated and maybe they don’t wanna talk about it, respect that!(no hunter AU, basically they live in our world kinda)(geography/who lives where is changed for practicality)(they’re like… 13? somewhere in middle school)
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. when the cold gets to you

**Author's Note:**

> this is a translation/rewrite of something made when i was 14 maybe. because english isn't my first language there may be mistakes and awkward wording, woops!  
> (og was in french if you're curious)

He opened the window to change the air of the room. It had seemed like an important thing to do. As if the room was almost out of air. Killua would tell you he had an hard time to breath, even when that didn’t make much sense. Air was everywhere.

Back to the desk he sat down facing the computer. That thing was old and the tower was making a pitiful noise. Already he could feel cold air tickling his skin. The hair on his arms standing, and a shiver down his spine. It was uncomfortable, but he also liked it. Being cold was always better than sweating a river, from his opinion. Of course, Gon disagreed with that. But that guy was made for summer anyway. With tan skin that never truly feel any bite of the sun. He hadn’t even know what sunburn were until recently. What had he said again… ah yeah ‘i thought it was just a joke people made’ like that was funny in anyway. What a weirdo.

The wind pushed the window open even more and Killua brought back his legs to his body, hugging them as close as possible to his chest. His skin was cold but his breath and blood was warm, so he chose to focus on that. If he closed his eyes and paid attention, listening to his heartbeat and the diffusion from it, he could feel the blood travel around his veins. Imagining the red cells as tourits visiting all the hotspots. He chuckled at them wearing hats and taking pictures. So silly…

Then he heard steps outside the room and that brought him back to this reality. He could tell it was Gon. Not only because it was the only option that made sense, with only three people living here, and one of those out on an errand. Why would Gon’s grandma come to his room when he had a friend over? Well, sometimes she asked if they needed anything, but usually by screaming from wherever she was downstair. No, it was just that Killua got used to the way Gon moves. The way he walk, quite agressively, like he had a grudge against the floor and meant to hurt it with each step he took. Though. He could be discreet when he wanted it. Silent enough to surprise you. A fox ready to jump on his prey. But that wasn’t the case just now, and Killua had raised his head, staring at the door, a good five seconds before Gon opened it.

His smile dropped right away, eyes huge.

"You’re not cold?!"

And without even waiting for his answer, Gon walked to the window to close it. He turned then, staring at Killua, the distance between them vanishing in less than two steps for him and with barely the time to blink for Killua.

He felt something on his arm. Gon had put his hand there. No, just the tip of his fingers. Barely touching, really. Killua didn’t like the shiver that gave him. Gon’s hands were always warm. That made no sense.

"You are" he concluded. And after a pause "How long did you keep it open?"

"Dunno."

"Bah! Any progress with homework?"

Gon moved from one side of the chair to the other without breaking contact, his fingers following him. So, going from Killua’s arm to his shoulders, brushing the nape, to the next arm. Then, the fingers left. Killua felt he could go crazy with the contradiction of his feelings. He thought that touch was torture, light enough to tickle, and deeply weird. But he was also upset that hand didn’t stay there. Really, what was his problem?

He decided not to think about it any longer.

"None." he said "I don’t mind researching stuff… but only when the subject is interesting."

Gon’s face got close to his own when he bent down to read what was on the screen. Whatever part he was on must have bored him already, as he left Killua’s side pretty quickly.

And Killua didn’t miss the warm ematating from his body at all, thank you very much!

Well. Not that he had any time to miss it anyway. With Gon coming back to put the bed cover on his shoulders. If Killua was touched by the gesture, he didn’t say anything.

Gon sighed behind him "i don’t even get the subject."

"Why am I not surprised?" Killua replied with a smile.

A noise came from Gon. Sounding like ‘tch’ but actually it was ‘teh’. A muffled laugh. It was pretty how Gon laughed. Not only did he do it a lot, but in many different ways. And Killua never got bored of hearing it. Gon could laugh of everything. Even of nothing. It’s not like he needed a reason to. He was just generous enough to share his good mood with everyone. To spread it around. Killua wished he could do that too. But his own laugh usually sounded mean, like a sneer.

He frowned. The homework wasn’t about the properties of laughter. He had to focus.

Honestly, research didn’t even take him that long. He only had to take all the notes they needed and let Gon write the final version neatly so he didn’t feel any guilt at having left the ‘bigger’ part to him. At least as neat as he could manage. His handwriting was quite messy.

Killua would probably not even have bothered with it if they didn’t team up on this. There was no reason for him to hand in homework, really. Of course, the teachers disagreed. But it had no effect on his grades. Not to brag, but he didn’t even need to look back on his notes before a test. As long as he paid attention in class he was good to go. Gon however…

Contrary to what some would say, he wasn’t stupid. This is the guy who has impressive knowledge over things he really cared about, after all ! It just happened that Gon’s area of expertise was more on plants and living creatures than history or math. And could he really be blamed for it when he basically grew up in a forest? The boy was wild, in the literal sense. Spent more time fishing than reading. He knew what mushrooms were edible and which shouldn’t be touched directly but even his grandma was more at ease on the keyboard than him.

So he really needed help with things like homework. His aunt Mito had tried, but she had limited patience and would often end up yelling at him out of frustration.

Killua didn’t mind being asked for notes or further explanations when something escaped him. First, because the face Gon made when confused was really cute. But also because it was quite nice to feel needed. Plus, hanging at his friend’s place was always fun.

"Anyway! Grandma was making tea before I came back! Should be done by now, so… snack break?"

"Snack break!"

He really didn’t need an excuse to procastinate on anything.

Gon jumped down the stairs. It’s like he was allergic of going one step at a time. He did that everywhere, at school, the streets, the museum they visited with their class, even when going up! But in his house he did so even faster, like a natural. Well, he knew the place by heart. Killua would bet he could run around with eyes closed and not crash into anything. 

Still wrapped up in Gon’s cover, Killua chose a different strategy. Throwing his legs far from him to put down each feet down with far too much delicacy. Chin up. He was now a prince. The blanket on his shoulder, his cape. No crown on his head but he hoped the expression on his face was proud enough for none of his subjects to dare comment on it. He liked to be dramatic, but only when no one saw him.

So he stopped his game the moment Gon’s face showed up at the bottom of the stairs, probably curious of what was taking him so long. Killua sped up then to pass him.

His grandma had already placed three cups on the table and was putting slices of cake on the same amount of plates.

"You’ll be taking some cake, yes? This one is banana and walnut!" she informed them.

"A bit, sure!" Gon told her while grabbing an apple also.

Killua made a face at that. Gon had been raised by his grandma and aunt, who had been really careful to teach him the values of a balanced diet. He couldn’t relate. Compared to his friend, he was very picky, and never turned candy down.

The old woman gave him a questionning look, as Gon was already biting his apple.

"Personally I’ll take two slices! Your cakes are the best!"

He sat down a bit awkwardly with the blanket restricting his movements. Gon’s grandma gave him his plate with a smile.

They talked about random things until the tea was cold and Mito got home groceries in arms.


	2. better than a mermaid

Music in his ears, head bobbing, Killua was looking at the ground. Precisely, the change in it. From grey cement to red bricks, being bitten more and more by earth brown and the green of plants growing in the cracks. The walk to Gon’s place always made him want to dance. He refrained to, but just barely.

The closer he got, the less cars were heard. No more agressive speeding, honking, and waiting for the light to turn green for absolutely forever. Some cars did park around here, but so few, it felt like a different world from town.

Gon’s house was build on the edge of the forest. So many trees in its back some would call the look of it, specially at night, unsettling. Its appearance was weird too. First floor was made of wood while the second was concrete. Killua wondered about that now that it was in sight. Did this used to be a one story building until they added one more? He had never thought of asking. The shape could only be called original. Whoever drew the plans at least had fun with it, good for them!

A sign over the front door was a tired black, looking more and more grey with time. On it could be read the words ‘the whale’s smile’ and right next to that a drawing of a whale in a cartoony style. The regulars of the cafe all knew the design had been provided by a five years old Gon, very proud of his skills. If you asked him about it now, Gon would look embarrassed, as he learned since then how to draw fish way more accurately. Neither of his guardians had accepted to let him redo it, though, being too attached to this version.

Killua agreed with them, even if it wasn’t the most attention grabbing choice. If the idea was to attract a sea oriented clientele, a pretty mermaid with long flowy hair would have done a better job at charming all those wandering sailors who lost their boat.

But the whale’s smile was so earnest you felt welcome even before stepping in. Her shaky lines made it seems like she could jump out of the sign at any moment, and swim in the blue sky, mistaking it for the ocean. Killua’s thoughts were up there, hopping from one cloud to another, watching the whale swim away, wondering when she’ll be back.

His daydream came to an end the moment he pushed the door open. The air was so warm, with it’s rich coffee smell, Killua felt it like a slap on his face. He took his headphones off, breathing deeply, until proof of sugar came to him. You could never be sure the customers hadn’t finished all the bread and cakes made for the day. Gon’s grandma was sitting behind the counter, book in hand, nodding when she met his eyes. She was only known as ‘grandma’ to the regulars, who adopted her just as quickly as she did them.

Two tables were occupied today. A group of three old men were discussing loudly and over each other, only laughter stopping them. And that one guy always by himself, nose in books, taking notes. Killua didn’t really know him, but had decided he didn’t like him, just for the fact he was always wearing sunglasses. Even indoors. The lens were ridiculously small too. An unforgivable fashion choice.

But no sign of Gon.

He walked up to grandma, noticing the book she was holding was one of these romance novels with a cover looking like an old painting. A muscular man with an open shirt was holding a woman by the waist. She looked either asleep or very bored. Anyway.

"Gon’s upstairs with Mito, she’s sick." grandma supplied him before he could ask.

Mito could get sick? That sounded fake. Killua was sure she could shoo germs away with just a look. She could be scary when she felt like it.

Before he could get to Gon’s room, he heard his voice further down the corridor. It was a bit quiet but not on a whisper level, and Killua wasn’t sure what it meant, but the door was open, so he slowly made his way over there, and peeked inside.

Mito was in bed, looking really tired. Her face was red, hair messy which meant something really was wrong because she always took good care of it, and her eyes half closed. Like it was too much effort to keep them open.

She was smiling though.

That was due to Gon, sitting next to her.

He was reading to his aunt. Like adults usually do for small children. Killua suddenly felt that he shouldn’t be there. The scene looked too… weird, for him. Too intimate. And he really didn’t like how that made him feel.

Which was uncomfortable. Was he even allowed to feel that way? Gon’s family was very different from his own. The first time he visited had been rough. He hadn’t know people could treat others that way. With so much attention. In this house, you lived for others as much as yourself. Everyone helped with chores, they also ate meals together, let at least one person know where they were going and when they’ll be back, and, well, took care of the sick.

At Killua’s place, the kids had learned to be independant really young. The only time they were forced to eat together was once a week, to discuss how they were doing, at school mostly. He didn’t think either his parents or older brothers had ever bothered reading him a story when he was younger. And he had thought that was normal. Great, even. Why would you need to listen to someone else, who might go too slow or fast for you, when you could just read by yourself, at your own rythm? Surely, you would learn better that way, without someone’s presence to weight you down.

But listening to Gon, who clearly wasn’t used of reading aloud, his voice unsure, going silent when met with a difficult word he wasn’t sure how to pronounce or just having lost his line, Killua felt something akin to shame.

What was it about, he couldn’t explain well. He never liked thinking about his family situation, and the feeling was even worse in this house. He didn’t want his friend to know. Neither how he grew up, or how he thought himself so cool for not needing someone to read to him. As if that alone made him better, superior. From who? Gon?! Because he could read faster than him, and didn’t need to ask for the definition of words? He hadn’t thought that for long, but just a second of it made him feel sick. He could be such a crappy friend sometime, and he hoped Gon would never find out.

Plus… he didn’t even know why. But that scene also made him jealous.

Of who? Of what? He was now too tired to think about it. If he could just close his eyes and forget all these negative feelings, that would be really sweet. Of course, things didn’t work like that.

Mito coughed and greeted him with her broken voice when she noticed him just standing like an idiot in the corridor. Gon stopped in his sentence once more and his serious expression softened into a smile. He put down the book when his aunt kept coughing to help her stand up, before holding to her face a glass of water that had been sitting on the night stand.

She gestured for him to leave when she was down drinking, so Gon got up and closed the door behind him.

"What’s up?" he asked a bit quieter than usual.  
"Nothing much."

Killua had a hard times meeting his eyes after the troubling thoughts he just had, but thankfully Gon didn’t seem to notice. 

As soon as they got to his room, Gon let all his weight fall on his bed and let out a ‘oof’ at the impact. Killua pulled the desk chair next to him to sit on backwards, his legs spead and arms crossed. Gon had a peaceful expression, eyes closed, like he was ready to fall asleep any second now.

So of course Killua kicked him in the legs to make sure that wouldn’t happen. Gon lookep up at him suddenly, with a wicked smile that signaled ‘oh, you’re on’ before kicking him back. A war started then where for some reason only legs were used as weapons, their arms serving to keep balance. Killua was the one in most danger, close from falling off his chair so often. Gon had an unfair advantage, the surface of the bed large enough he had nothing to worry about. The room was filled with slapping noises and laughter.

Killua wished they could have stayed in this moment longer, as it was simple and nice, and a good distraction from his earlier thoughts. But Gon let go of his grip on the cover to raise his hands above his head, asking for peace. Killua chose to indulge him after a second of hesitation. He could be merciful when he wanted.

Gon sat on the edges of his bed, facing his friend, mouth opening then closing. Even his face was unsure of what expression would be best to wear. Gon looking for his words was always entertaining to observe. He must had felt Killua’s eyes on him because he was smiling now. One of his feet hovering over Killua’s own, before stepping on it softly. He wasn’t wearing socks. Good thing that at least one of them had the presence of mind to have a pair on, or else that contact would be way more awkward.

Well, Killua still felt weird about it, staring down at the gesture. He hoped to one day get used to how tactile Gon was, so he wouldn’t have to feel that way ever again.

"I feel useless sometimes." Gon finally chose to say.

That was unexpected, and Killua felt it was now his face that couldn’t settle on one expression while trying to find something to say. Great, whatever Gon had was infectious.

"Um… it’s not like you need to? Do stuff?" he tried, but wow, even to him that made no sense. He couldn’t find anything better to say, really?

"I kind of do. Mito and grandma work so hard. I don’t want to be, like, a weight."

The weight was in Killua’s stomach. What was he supposed to reply here? He never worried about stuff like that when one of his parents was sick. Not that his family was a good reference for situations such at this one. Crap.

"You’re a kid." he let out with less conviction than he wished to express.

There was more he had meant to say, but that was the best summary. Kids shouldn’t have to wonder if they were useful or not. All they had to focus on was school, and making friends, and having as much fun as possible. Kids were allowed to ignore adult problems and live in a simplified world where a bad grade on a test or a friend ignoring you for a stupid reason could be the worst thing ever. So were the rules.

But his friend was looking at him now, something way too serious in his eyes. Like Killua didn’t get it. Almost like an adult who sigh at a kid’s question before telling them ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’ and that. Just wasn’t ok.

"That’s kind of the problem" Gon started "It’s still so long until i’m an adult."

There is something here. That is left unsaid. Killua can feel it in the way the words fell.

But he didn’t want to press on. So what if he was a bad friend. Gon probably wanted to be reassured, but Killua didn’t know how to do that. Not in this situation. Not when his friend felt so far away, leaving him behind. It wasn’t fair of him to act so mature so suddenly. And it wasn’t fair of Killua’s either to act like an irked child.

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. All he had to do was to ignore that feeling. Couldn’t hurt him if it was out of his mind.

"Let’s go outside, for a change" Killua finally said, removing his feet away fom under Gon. Maybe a bit too abruptly.

They could ignore this. There was nothing to worry about.

Gon looked surprised for one or two seconds but nodded before getting up.

"Let’s!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leorio's first appearance and he's being roasted... blame isn't even on me, that's just his destiny u kno?
> 
> in the og fic the cafe was called "bar de la baleine" meaning the whale's bar, but felt like changing that. kept procastinating posting this chapter cause i worry about my english level but i refuse to let embarrassment stop me from having fun so... guess i'm punk now


End file.
